The Joys of Being Canadian
Shortly after being named in the Top 10 Democracies in the World by the Economist, it’s probably important to take a moment and reflect on all the good things that come along with being Canadian. A forward from my mom:
TheÂ? NewÂ? CanadianÂ? Rant
My name is Norm and I AM CANADIAN
I am a minorityÂ? in Vancouver , Toronto and every casino in this country. I was born in 1958, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE BEING SCREWED OUTÂ? OF THEIR LAND in the 1700’s. I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario. I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to driveÂ? without a seat belt. All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes. I live and workÂ? among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These same people cannotÂ? name this country’s new territory. Although I amÂ? sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don’t have a pot to piss in,Â? I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a nice six figure homeÂ? in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee. Although theyÂ? are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provides myÂ? nation’s prime ministers. 95% of myÂ? nation’s international conflicts are over fish. I’m supposed toÂ? call black people African Canadians, although I’m sure none of them haveÂ? ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter. I believe thatÂ? paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair. I believe thatÂ? the same tax on gasoline is also fair. Even if I haveÂ? no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I wasÂ? 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don’t register it. I believeÂ? spending $15 billion to promote the French languageÂ? in the rest of Canada is fair when theÂ? province ofÂ? Quebec doesn’tÂ? support or recognize the English language. I believe thatÂ? paying $30 million for 3 Stripes (”The Voice of Fire painting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, EvenÂ? though 99% of this country didn’t want it or will ever see it. When I look atÂ? my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make,Â? I say “Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans.” I must bail outÂ? farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry because I control theÂ? rain. My nationalÂ? anthem has versions in both official languages and I don’t know either ofÂ? them. Canada is the highestÂ? taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military buffer for theÂ? UnitedÂ? States, and the number one destination for fleeing terrorists. I am not anÂ? angry white male. I am an angry taxpayer who is fucking broke.
My name is Norm, and I am Canadian!